Miracle on Cove Road, Orleans

Miracle on Cove Road, Orleans

Christ appears on a cup in Highway Department's Big Dig

The Holy Father is an avid reader of Cape Cod Today and was interested in the story on Orleans Big Dig that ran Sunday, September 25, 2011. This morning after his daily walk across Town Cove, His Holiness decided to pay a pastoral visit to the devastated flock on Cove Road. He walked along the street, weeping at the damage from Friday night’s deluge.

But wait, there’s more! Holy Father, as witnessed by Saint Timothy, observed a divine manifestation: the face of Jesus shone out from one of the washed out sidewalks. Right next to the famed Dunkin Donuts coffee cup, there sat a perfect image of our Savior.

No doubt this discovery will slow the project as the Badican’s Curia investigates the manifestation. If any of the workers or Orleans town officials begin to show stigmata then perhaps the site will become a destination for pilgrims seeking the intervention of the Risen Jesus. What a wonderful way to boost Orleans’ shoulder season commerce!

All that need be done now is locate the remnants of a lost Indian tribe and perhaps Orleans will be able to secure one of the casino licenses so hotly debated on Beacon Hill. Archaeologists from the Holy See-Saw are also seeking relics of the cross used to crucify directors of the cursed Cape Cod Lighthouse Charter School and remnants of Noah’s Ark. Perhaps even the Ark of the Covenant lies in the ruins of the ill-fated sidewalk project!

Holy Father is also a bit concerned that some of the mud puddles along the project will be declared wetlands by the Conservation Commission, requiring an enrivonmental impact study for the Big Dig to move forward. One hopes that divine intervention will not be required to avoid such a costly distraction.