Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child

Greetings my Children

he past week has seen much published about the behavior of children in public places. The Holy Father and I want to go on record: The Holy See-Saw of Cape Cod does not tolerate misbehaving children nor those of fail to discipline these Imps of the Devil.

The Holy Cod Church absolutely does not endorse child abuse or harmful beatings of children. However, there are Biblical mandates for disciplining of children:

He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him
betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou
strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and
deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)

Sister Aloysuis, a strict disciplinarian if ever one existed, is responsible for the Parochial school system of the Holy See-Saw. She cites the words of the Virgin Mary's End-Times Prophesies which say in part that spanking is not illegal so long as a child is not injured, physically marked or bruised.

Consequently, Sister makes liberal use of the rod in our schools with the result that Holy Father enjoys a well-behaved, studious flock in all his religious education programs.

Now seriously, my children, why would we need to discuss barring children from public places if the parents would simply discipline their children? Good behavior should be rewarded and bad behavior punished immediately. A simple swat of a hand on an offending behind can snap the Devil right out of a child before a full demonic possession occurs.

Part of the problem, as Holy Father, My Eminence and Saint Timothy see it is the decline of our society. Every parent thinks their child is "special", every child is so brilliant they she'll grow up to be the next Madame Curie, nobody should tell a child that he or she is "wrong" and the list goes on. Etch this into your mind: Your children are not special.

They are all children of God, each endowed with his or her own gifts from the Lord. Some will be brilliant intellects, others wonderful artists, many excellent parents and some will amount to absolutely nothing at all.

Recently a mother had the temerity to criticize Sister Aloysuis for telling a child that her answer to a mathematics question was "wrong".

Really?

In any universe that we know (other than that Charter School of the Damned in Orleans), 4 x 4 does not equal 8. An answer of 8 is wrong. Sister gave the devilish woman a good swat with her rod and damned her for whelping a litter of bastards with no father in sight.

That's today's word from the Holy See-Saw. Holy Father and My Eminence are now leaving to minister to the meth hags and crackheads in beautiful downtown Hyannis.

Blessings to the flock,

Cardinal Borgia