Hyannisport Outrage, Martyrdom in Orleans, Witch Hunt in Barnstable

Twilight in Camelot

atholicism hit a new low the the other day when Patrick Kennedy was married outside the family compound in Hyannisport. The civil ceremony was conducted by a sitting justice of the United States Supreme Court. Yes, a scion of Camelot was married in a civil ceremony! The sand sculpture to the right aptly depicts the demise of Camelot.

I was disappointed that they didn't call upon My Eminence to sanctify their nuptials. The Holy Father was so upset he cried himself to sleep. The Holy See-Saw is considering Excommunication but does realize we don't condone divorce, either, so perhaps no further Inquisition need be conducted.

Still, with Patches choosing a secular wedding and the national trend towards gay marriage, the Holy Father will shortly issue a Bull regarding new marraige rules for our holy church. In the pursuit of diversity, the Congregation on Perversions will consider the possibility of allowing not only same-sex marriages but also weddings between those of various species, as well.

Martyrdom in Orleans
We learned with great concern that a Mr. Paul Niles was anointed as the newest director (read human sacrifice) at the accursed Cape Cod Lighthouse Charter Schoool this week. As a High Priest to the Volcano Gods at CCLCS, we pray that Mr. Niles does not join the others cast into the volcano. In view of his long service to the ill-fated school, perhaps the Volcano Gods will let him live. Our beloved child Paul is a true soldier of the Lord, though we fear a ball-gag may be in his future.

We will follow up on his status when Holy Father conducts the annual Blessing of the Jalopies on a date to be announced in the near future.

Witch Hunt in Barnstable?

From recent accounts of the controversy surrounding popular Barnstable Town Manager John Klimm, My Eminence fears there may be an old-fashioned Puritan witch hunt afoot. While Goodman Klimm appears popular with the people of Barnstable, certain accusers on the council appear to be preparing him for the Stake. As they prepare to light the fires we remind them that sinners who perpetrate such rash acts may themselves soon face the fires of damnation at the ballot box. We pray for Goodman Klimm.

That's all for a Sunday morning. Time to go say Mass!

Blessings to all my children,
Your faithful Cardinal Borgia